Rosie Gill-Moss: 0:02

Hello welcome back . You're here with me. That's your host, Rosie Gill-Moss. And today's topic, we're going to be talking about sobriety and the challenges of beating the demon drink when you are, when you're widowed, when you're processing some really big emotions and also kind of the life that it gives you afterwards. So my guest today is Vicky Chadwick from Barnsley. You might recognize the accent because that's where John's from. And Vicky came on to my other podcast, a few months ago. And we just really, we really got on. She came to talk about losing her husband, Kevin. And, but one of the topics that came up was alcohol. And since then, Vicky has, um, She has embarked on her own journey of sobriety and we've sort of supported each other and I really wanted to talk to her on the mic as it were and find out how life has changed. So the next voices you'll hear will be me and Vicky and we're going to be talking about drinking or not drinking as the case may be. Hello and welcome to the podcast Vicky Chadwick. Hello Vicky, how are you?

Vicky Chadwick: 1:08

I'm good, thank you. How are you?

Rosie Gill-Moss: 1:10

I'm very, very well. It's really lovely to see you. Now, for listeners who have been following the Widowed AF podcast, some people may recognise your voice or your name, and Vicky came on to talk about being widowed as fuck, obviously, and you, your husband Kevin, died of Covid, didn't he?

Vicky Chadwick: 1:27

It did, yeah.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 1:29

So that's, that is a pretty, it's a bleak way to lose anybody, but to lose them from COVID during a pandemic, it's, you know, it's going to take an enormous toll on your mental health. And one of the things that we talked about was alcohol. And how both of us had used it as a crutch and ended up finding ourselves a little too dependent on the old juice. And since then, um, you and I have just been chatting a little on WhatsApp. I realize I'm saying this to you like you don't know, the business. And, um, um, we kind of, and you made the monumental decision to go sober yourself. I'm really proud of you, if that's not a patronising thing to say. But also I think that it's really important we talk about it because it is one of the most common coping mechanisms, well, by humans. But particularly in our society, you drink when you're happy, you drink when you're sad, you drink to celebrate, commiserate. And it's actually a really effective kind of I guess numbing at all when you're feeling a lot of pain. So to kind of climb back out of that and to face life head on, as it were, it's pretty tough going. Um, so I wanted to ask you, um, if you would just kind of tell me a little bit about how alcohol became a problem for you. I mean, you know, you, you tell me what you want in your own way. As I said to you before we came on mic, we're kind of winging this, right?

Vicky Chadwick: 2:52

doing this today. Um, so, I had always been a drinker. From being young. Um, on park at 15. Drinking.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 3:03

White lightning.

Vicky Chadwick: 3:04

Yep. And bottles of Lambrini if it were.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 3:06

Oh.

Vicky Chadwick: 3:07

If we'd got, um, some good pocket money. But yeah,

Rosie Gill-Moss: 3:10

And you could persuade somebody to go in the shop for you, that was always like.

Vicky Chadwick: 3:12

that were it. So, I had always liked to drink. Um, but then when Kevin passed away, it became a bit of a problem. So, the doorstep drops when Kevin died were gin, wine, and anything else anybody thought that would help me. Um,

Rosie Gill-Moss: 3:32

relate to that.

Vicky Chadwick: 3:33

so I was sat at home on my own. Most of the time, um, just drinking, because it, it, it turned off the feelings. The feelings were gone, um, after I'd had a drink and I could go to sleep and not worry about it until the feelings were ten times worse the next morning. Um,

Rosie Gill-Moss: 3:54

And then what do you do to deal with those? Right?

Vicky Chadwick: 3:56

the drink, yeah, so when we were in lockdown, I couldn't wait for lockdown to finish. I wanted to go to pubs with my friends, wanted to sit and have a drink with them. But yeah, then it started to become a three day weekend, four day weekend, and so on and so forth. So I did start to just drink myself into oblivion. Never knew what time of day it was, who I was, what my name was, by the end of it. Um, and then I'd go home, on my own, and then the feelings were there. Um, it did come to a point where I did try to take real life.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 4:36

Vicky.

Vicky Chadwick: 4:37

after a pretty heavy session. Um, And you would have thought at that point that's when it would stop, but it didn't. I still carried on and carried on, until it got to July last year, um, and I went to a friend's birthday party, which I can remember arriving at the birthday party, and I can't remember anything after that. Um, and again, I ended up in my house, on my own, bearing in mind that I'm still in my house, it's completely empty. Um. However, for some reason, there was some coco de mel, um, and it happened again, to the point that my family, my friends begged me to stop, and that day I woke up with the worst headache I've ever had, worst hangover, I hated myself, I hated everything, I hated everyone around me, um, and that was the point that I decided, right, this is it. My sister was sober, she got sober about a year before me, um, And she was like, it's going to be the best thing you've ever done. And when I was drinking, I was thinking, oh yeah, yeah, you said this, and you just think you're better than anybody else, and because you can do it. weren't, she were right, and she has helped me through it, like massively. Um,

Rosie Gill-Moss: 5:57

me goosebumps, actually, because it's so true. I don't know anybody that's ever regretted getting

Vicky Chadwick: 6:01

yeah, definitely not. And it were hard, so hard for the first few weeks. All I wanted to do was go out and have a drink. And I knew that if I put myself into that situation that I would do it. So I didn't. I kept myself locked away for a little bit. But now I can go out and drink alcohol free and um, My friend's a manager at a pub and they've got alcohol free ciders in for me, so it's nice that I've got support. Some people aren't as supportive. Some people say, well just have one, but I can't just have one. I don't do one.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 6:42

find it really insulting, Vicky, as well, because essentially what they're saying is you're only fun if you have a drink, which is kind of rude. And also, unlike you, who has one drink? Like, what kind of

Vicky Chadwick: 6:55

have one, and I could never just have one. One weren't enough, and two, as I say, those were too many because I just carried on and carried on and carried on. And at what point that I would just, like I say, I never, I never remembered getting home. I never, I don't know what could have

Rosie Gill-Moss: 7:14

It's quite scary, isn't it? Because I'm, like you, I, I started drinking very young, and I think back, and primarily kind of my teens, my early 20s, you know, the risk taking behaviours I, I, I was involved in. But actually, when Ben died, I was in a bit of, I mean, I was in a state like you. I would, I would wake up the next day and I genuinely feel like I had, well, I had, I poisoned myself. Um, I would have, you know, random people come to my house. I was, you know, I wouldn't remember whether I'd put my children to bed. Like, it fills me with so much shame now to think about it. But, you know, I know so many people who are doing the same thing, and because we don't talk about it, because you think of alcoholism as being, you know, the guy on the park bench, or people, you know, losing their homes, you don't think that it happens to kind of normal women like us. And like, you know, I said before, you know, this kind of alcohol, um, alcohol celebrating society that we're in, People can't imagine how you can possibly have a good time without it, or how you can socialise, and much like you really, I, I wanted to sort of hide away when I first got sober because I didn't know how party rose as I sort of christened her. She, she knew what to do in a social situation. She knew to get drunk and, you know, chat shit to everybody. And I wasn't an unpleasant drunk, which I think was probably what caused it. Enabled me to drink as long as I did because I was party rose, but it's that self loathing It's a waking up and thinking I've done it again and the bargaining just don't drink on a Wednesday. Um, and I just I I honestly I I can't see I'm trying to think of a different way of saying this but I think perhaps if I hadn't had the kids I probably would have ended up in the same situation because it's You feel so disgusted with yourself, you can't imagine how you can possibly live without it, but you don't want to live with it anymore. And I, I'm so glad that you're still here.

Vicky Chadwick: 9:07

Yeah. Thank you. And I mean, my family have said like, I'm a different person now and like, I look diff Yeah. Look different. And, and I've got my own smile back.'cause I, I never used to admit that. I don't remember. I used to just say, oh, I'm just really tired. I'm just going back to bed right now 'cause I'm tired. Um, I, were never ready to say, yeah, it's, it's an issue. Um,

Rosie Gill-Moss: 9:32

My dad's a recovering alcoholic, and I say this, but he's actually been sober, I think. He could go. I think so. I think 25 years now? I can't remember the exact dates. Um, and he got, I didn't realise this at the time, but he got sober at 41, which is the same age I was. Um, and because my mum obviously lived with a drinker, and they know the signs, and she would try and say to me, you know, you're drinking too much, and I just got angry. You're controlling, I'm a grown up, you know, you can't tell me what to do. And my dad kind of took a back seat, because I guess he knew from having been through it himself, you cannot tell an alcoholic to stop

Vicky Chadwick: 10:05

No.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 10:06

The more you tell somebody to stop drinking, the more they're going to drink. And I, I don't, for me, the catalyst came about, I was, I woke up on my 40th, it was the morning after celebrating my, my 40th birthday, but a year later. And I just, I thought to myself, I'd have called an ambulance if I didn't know I'd done this to myself. And I didn't, I hadn't eaten a mouthful of the food in the restaurant. I didn't remember any of the conversations. So you think that, In that, when you're drinking, you think you're doing it to enhance your life, but all you're doing is numbing it. You don't remember it.

Vicky Chadwick: 10:37

don't remember anything. And I mean, the amount of times I've had to apologize to people for my behavior from the night before and

Rosie Gill-Moss: 10:44

The scroll of your phone to see what you did. Oh

Vicky Chadwick: 10:51

night? Things like that. Um, I think my best friend must have had about. 20 bunches of flowers from me for an apology for next day. Um, but yeah, it's, it was just, it was just getting out of hand. And I went on holiday last year, um, and I was drinking then. And every night it was, oh, can I beat as many shots as I like before? One night it ended up being, I think it was 13 tequilas.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 11:18

god, I say it like that, but I've done half a bottle, no problem.

Vicky Chadwick: 11:22

and whatever other drinks I'd been having throughout the night, and the next morning I woke up with a busted nose and two black eyes because I'd fallen over. I can't remember a thing. To this day.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 11:32

is the thing, isn't it? You lose your sort of coordination as well and you kind of get all dressed up and go out for a night out and then you, and I'm talking about myself not you personally, but you're sort of stumbling around with mascara and a eyelash hanging off and you think, what did I go to all that effort for if I was just going to get shitfaced, right?

Vicky Chadwick: 11:50

Um, I do struggle a little bit now with the confidence side of things, because I was saying to my sister the other day, um, we're going to a sober event in Manchester. Yeah. in May and I'm like, Oh, what should I wear? And I said, Oh, I've seen this skirt, but I don't know if I'm confident to wear it. But before I'd have wore it because two drinks later I wouldn't have cared what I looked like.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 12:11

have cared. No, I'm the same and I found I got real kind of social anxiety when I've been such a social creature. And I was cancelling, you know, arrangements and I guess I kind of became not quite reclusive, that's a bit far. But I was very much, yeah, I didn't know how to conduct myself. I would overthink before an event, like what will we talk about? I couldn't, I couldn't fathom how I would even start. I mean, you know, there's a hun, like there's about 200 hours of me talking out there and in the wild world now, so I don't have a problem with talking, but it's that, and I'll tell you what is I just before, um, we recorded, I messaged you, didn't I? So I've just come back from Zumba. Um, I'm quite new to doing Zumba. I've done about four classes, um, and I really like it. But the reason I've started is because I cannot dance. And it really pisses me off because I loved nothing more than losing myself on a dance floor. I thought I was bloody Beyonce, you know, do the slut drop and then struggle to get back up again with my old knees. But it's, so I sort of pushed myself to go into this. It's a, you know, a community centre and I am probably the youngest person there, but it's quite freeing and liberating. But there's always things that you can't do. You don't realise how that kind of veneer or that kind of ready brick glow of alcohol enabled you to walk into a situation and feel confident.

Vicky Chadwick: 13:29

And it's, it's more daunting now walking into something. I've started a pole daunting class. I don't know

Rosie Gill-Moss: 13:36

shut up! Have you?

Vicky Chadwick: 13:38

Yeah, I've only done two classes,

Rosie Gill-Moss: 13:42

I love this so much.

Vicky Chadwick: 13:43

but I am rubbish. Oh, definitely, yeah. Yeah, there's bruises all over. Um, but I can't do it, but

Rosie Gill-Moss: 13:53

Who

Vicky Chadwick: 13:54

it's fun. And I have a laugh with the girls that I go out with, we have fun. Um, but I don't think I'd ever have walked into a situation like that.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 14:04

So yeah, that's the difference as well because actually, although you can have that confidence and you know, be the party girl and on the dance floor, walking and doing something like that sober? No way. No way. And actually, I messaged my friend the other day and said, um, I'm thinking about doing pole dancing classes because one of my guests is a pole dancer, she's a bare less dancer, she's incredible, and she, and I was watching her videos, I was like, yeah, I wanna do that. And she said to me, yeah, but what about when you have to go on the floor and be all sexy? And I was like, oh yeah. I don't know if I can do that.

Vicky Chadwick: 14:33

See, it's not easy but, um, it's fun. And it's

Rosie Gill-Moss: 14:36

Oh, I think it's brilliant. Really good for you too, huh?

Vicky Chadwick: 14:39

event. Yeah, it's good, yeah. Um, it's just a different social event rather than just going and sitting in a pub.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 14:45

And it makes you broaden your horizons a little bit because in my entire social life was alcohol. Come to my house, open a bottle. Go out, open a bottle. And when you're not drinking, you realise how insipid it is. Like it's, um, school sports day. I said it in Prosecco. I kid you not. The trampoline park, like the place where your kids are most likely to injure themselves. They sell alcohol. So, you It kind of, yeah, it forces you to find something else to do something that you perhaps wouldn't have done. Like I started yoga and I absolutely love it to the point that I'm considering training to teach it. You know, the old me would never have even, I mean I couldn't touch my toes Vicky, but it's, but you, like, and actually what I found was you have got a lot of time when you stop drinking and you do need to fill that time otherwise you, um, yeah, didn't even know there was a Sunday

Vicky Chadwick: 15:39

Yeah, I used to be getting in at 6 o'clock on a Sunday morning, not waking up. No.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 15:44

went out with a friend last night. See, this is it. I've, I've, I've, I went out into London last night. Went for a meal on my own. Got the, no, I didn't eat on my own. I went, I met a friend. And we went to university together. And we were, she still drinks. But we, we, I was like, we were having mocktails last night. And we were saying, I was like, Oh, you know, there's a train at half past nine. So I'm going to try and get that one. And she was just like, This is, we're different now, aren't we? But we still had a fantastic time because anything that would have happened after half past nine, I wouldn't have remembered anyway.

Vicky Chadwick: 16:14

definitely not. I used to want, if we were going out for a night out, I'd be like, Oh, shall we meet in pub at three?

Rosie Gill-Moss: 16:20

Yeah. I have a couple before you went as well. Warm up.

Vicky Chadwick: 16:24

Yeah, definitely.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 16:25

And I never wanted the night to end either, so that's why I'd get myself in trouble because I would go on to like dodgy clubs and because I knew that, because you know what's coming, don't you? The second you sober up, you're going to feel horrible.

Vicky Chadwick: 16:38

You hate yourself. Um, but yeah, I used to be the last person to go home from anywhere. Um, sometimes birds were treated and

Rosie Gill-Moss: 16:48

Oh, that sound,

Vicky Chadwick: 16:49

it was first thing in the morning or even next day that it carried on. And it just got, it just got out of control and I'm glad that I got control of it because if not I probably would have been dead. Or in a bad way.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 17:03

given me. That's given me a shiver. Yeah. I, I, I agree. I'm not, and I can't speak for you, but I, I feel the same. It was getting to a point where I was gonna lose everything because. It wouldn't have been fair on John, it wasn't fair on my kids, and actually my middle son said to me the other day, You, um, oh, you, I don't, you never really drink, do you mum? Like, I think I saw you have some wine once and I was like, Mmm, okay. Let's go with that.

Vicky Chadwick: 17:27

Yeah.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 17:28

But my eldest, he, um, he's 14 and he's very kind of emotionally mature and much smarter than I am. And he said to me one day, can I ask you something? It's all done on text because that's how teenagers communicate now. And, um, I was like, yeah, yeah, cool, anything. And he asked me what it was like being addicted to alcohol. Um, I think it's part of something he's doing for school. But I thought oh god, like, how frank should I be here? And in the end I opted for pretty frank actually because There is a proven hereditary link, you know, the fact that you and your sister have both struggled, me and my dad, my brother also doesn't drink. Um, so my kids need to be aware that there's a chance that they might have a predisposition towards alcoholism. And so I think, much like we're doing here and sort of shining that light onto it, I think it's really important that they are aware. But yeah, it's um, it was quite strange to kind of talk to my child about being in addiction, yeah, that was weird.

Vicky Chadwick: 18:23

It's,

Rosie Gill-Moss: 18:25

Now, you've mentioned that your sister is sober as well and she got sober about a year before

Vicky Chadwick: 18:30

yeah.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 18:30

Yeah. And, did your parents drink?

Vicky Chadwick: 18:34

Uh, my mom did., Rosie Gill-Moss: Did you go no. Um, I just did it on my own. Um, I find the Facebook groups, so a couple Facebook groups that were part of, um, which my sister told me about, which did help.'cause when you're feeling a bit.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 18:52

there's always somebody there.

Vicky Chadwick: 18:53

There's always someone there, yeah. Um, and I've got through some quite tough times being sober as well. So, um, my aunt, who I live with, who I'm really close to, she's got cancer. We found that out. Um, she spent three months in hospital last year and she's, she's getting better now. Um, but before then I think I would have just turned to drink.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 19:17

Of course you would. Yeah, because what else do you do?

Vicky Chadwick: 19:19

Yeah, she said a million times, if you've got through this without a drink, then you can do anything. And then, obviously it's been like Kevin's anniversary, and my mum's anniversary came, and I lost my job, I got bed redundant.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 19:32

Oh, bloody hell, Vicky.

Vicky Chadwick: 19:34

I know. And this for

Rosie Gill-Moss: 19:35

What did you do in a past life?

Vicky Chadwick: 19:37

I must have been terrible. Um, and Kevin's anniversary and losing my job came, like, in the same week. And then my auntie Pat ended up back in hospital and I was like, oh my god, what is going on? But before, I'd have just gone, right, that's it, I'll get a bottle of gin, I'll be fine. Um, but this time, I was made to a job note on a Monday, I had a job interview on a Tuesday, and I started work again the following Monday,

Rosie Gill-Moss: 19:59

Oh, you absolute legend. Well done.

Vicky Chadwick: 20:01

got on with my life, yeah.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 20:04

Got on with

Vicky Chadwick: 20:05

sitting and

Rosie Gill-Moss: 20:07

Yeah.

Vicky Chadwick: 20:08

feeling sorry for myself. I

Rosie Gill-Moss: 20:10

And have you

Vicky Chadwick: 20:11

have a little bit of feeling sorry for myself. I had a few tears and then,

Rosie Gill-Moss: 20:14

You're allowed.

Vicky Chadwick: 20:15

yeah, a bit of fed up. But I just carried on.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 20:19

But those tears that you cry when you're not in an active addiction, it's different. Like, I used to wail like a banshee, you know, to sad songs. But that's, it was almost like it was forced or fake emotion. Whereas now when I cry, I know that what I'm doing is kind of getting out that is

Vicky Chadwick: 20:34

Yeah. Feeling it. Yeah.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 20:38

I was just wondering if you'd had any kind of real fuck it moments because I, I, I've had a couple, not, not many. They tend to leave my like mental health a bit wonky and I came in, it was actually on my birthday, my parents had come to visit, booked a table to go out for dinner, really looking forward to it and I just wake up with the shits about me. I was just in a fount, nobody could do right by doing wrong, you know? And I took myself off to Maidstone, which I don't know whether I've been to Maidstone, but I, um, you don't want to. So, I, I just sort of, you know, stomped around all grumpy and then I came home, and my mum and dad were there. And I think the first words out of my mouth were, Fuck this, I'm just gonna have a drink. Like, my life is shit anyway. You know, real, sort of, horrible,

Vicky Chadwick: 21:20

Feeling sorry

Rosie Gill-Moss: 21:20

spiky little porcupine. Um, Um, I looked at my dad's face, and, the end. He didn't say anything, but I could just see in his face like that. Please don't please don't and I didn't I didn't and I think it was almost like I had to say the words But I, it's, but no, I, I haven't, I haven't picked up a drink. And I think, and I also didn't do AA. Um, I tried it years ago and I didn't like it. I found it was a bit patronizing, a bit cliquey. And also I don't believe in a higher power. So for me to surrender to something I don't believe in would be really hypocritical. And I think also it's quite like, I don't know, it's quite infantilising. You know, I'm the boss of me. I'll decide if I drink, not some mythical creature. But then my dad's been sober, you know, and he even now will go to AA sometimes. I think he went to pick up his 25 year badge or something the other day. He popped in.

Vicky Chadwick: 22:17

Popped in. Um, I did have a sight thinking when I went on holiday, so I went on, I went to Thailand, to Vietnam, um,

Rosie Gill-Moss: 22:27

want to talk to you about this for sure.

Vicky Chadwick: 22:29

a few weeks ago. And before I would go in, I was thinking, do I drink? Do I not, do I drink? Do I not like, am on holiday? Do I just have a drink and enjoy myself? Um, and I spoke to a friend about it and she's like, I don't mind if you don't drink. She said, I can easily have a drink or not. It's, it's, it's not, it don't bother

Rosie Gill-Moss: 22:48

how normal of her.

Vicky Chadwick: 22:50

I know, so I, I just made the decision not to drink, um, and I absolutely loved it. I love getting up in the morning and remembering things. We went to yoga at 7am one morning or something stupid, um, and yeah, we, we could get up and do things, whereas I weren't just laying and feeling sorry for myself. I was

Rosie Gill-Moss: 23:13

Lurching from bar to bar.

Vicky Chadwick: 23:15

After all the walking and I won't be complaining because I'm not a big walker but my friend is Um, so I did definitely

Rosie Gill-Moss: 23:22

hurt from walking around

Vicky Chadwick: 23:23

yeah

Rosie Gill-Moss: 23:23

night.

Vicky Chadwick: 23:25

I was complaining. I'm like, oh, I've had enough. Um, but yeah, it was so nice not to be hungover and actually remember everything and

Rosie Gill-Moss: 23:34

I've just written down here that you've made the decision, and I think that's the really important bit. Because sometimes, I don't know how your brain works, but my brain's quite, um, defiant. So if I say to myself, you can't drink tonight. My little lizard brain will go, Nah, fuck it, I'm drinking. But if I say, well, it's up to you. Like, I can drink or I can not drink. That's entirely my choice. And I know that is kind of an AA, because you know, literally, sometimes you have to live hour to hour, or even minute to minute. And my dad says even now, he'll say sometimes, If I still want a drink in an hour, I'll have one. Because he knows he's not going to. But it's that you do have to make a choice. And I want to hear a bit more about your holiday, actually, because we are hoping to go to Thailand at some point in the not too distant future. Um, and much like you, I think this is, I now want to see the world. Before, I didn't really care where we were, because as long as it was an all inclusive and it had, you know, a pool and a beach, I was happy. But now, I want, I don't just want to You know, go walk to the bar, back to my sun lounger. I want to go and experience the world.

Vicky Chadwick: 24:41

uh, it was, it was fantastic. Like, it was just so good. I loved every

Rosie Gill-Moss: 24:45

So what did you do? Did you do a week in each?

Vicky Chadwick: 24:47

Um, we did five days in each, near enough. Um, so Vietnam, well, it was beautiful. It was just gorgeous.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 24:57

I'm torn between the two. What do you recommend?

Vicky Chadwick: 24:59

um, I'd definitely say, I wish I'd stayed in Thailand for longer.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 25:03

yeah, I think with the kids, perhaps it, it's a little bit more commercial. So

Vicky Chadwick: 25:08

Yeah,

Rosie Gill-Moss: 25:09

like, basically I want an easy life as well. I want to see the world, but I also want an easy life, Vicky.

Vicky Chadwick: 25:13

definitely. Life's too short not to be, isn't it?

Rosie Gill-Moss: 25:17

Yeah. And what about the travelling? How did you find that?

Vicky Chadwick: 25:20

Tiring, very tiring.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 25:22

That's my, that's where my resistance lies.

Vicky Chadwick: 25:24

I had restless legs on the plane and I thought I can't even go to sleep because like, the legs were just going crazy. Um, my friend will lay to sleep beside me, but it was, it was tiring, but it was worth it.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 25:36

Yeah.

Vicky Chadwick: 25:37

but the coming home bit is the worst, because you're like, you're

Rosie Gill-Moss: 25:41

no excitement, is there?

Vicky Chadwick: 25:43

and all you want is your own bed, and you're not going to get it for another 24 hours because you've got a five hour layover

Rosie Gill-Moss: 25:48

Oh, God. I don't know, this is, this is what puts me off. We flew, we went to Turkey at Easter, which is a four hour flight, and even that, it took me about three days to get over that. And I'm thinking about, um, air travel as well, and how the booze is part of that. I mean, airport bars, you know, you see people all the time, Facebook, oh, it's five in the morning, but it's airport rules. Um, And I have to say, there was a lot of people drinking on the way out and then on, 'cause it was packaged on the way back. He saw the same people and there was a young lad, you know, in a wheelchair. They wouldn't let him on the flight. And it's that, I, I mean, he was very young. I mean, we all made mistakes like that, but that kind of, oh, I'm at the airport, let's start drinking and then ordering the drinks on the plane. And I'm quite a nervous flyer and I'll sometimes think, oh, you know, just a, just a little miniature that would take the edge off. And obviously I don't, but I, I. I find, yeah, I find that quite strange because all you're doing is going to make that jet lag just that bit harder, right?

Vicky Chadwick: 26:48

Um, we went to, we booked the airport lounge on the way out. Um, and that was a little bit difficult. I was thinking, do I, do I, do I not have,

Rosie Gill-Moss: 26:57

poor on those, isn't

Vicky Chadwick: 26:58

yeah. Do I not have a champagne? Do I? Um, but I didn't. I opted for alcohol free lagers. Um, I think it were Heineken. Um, which I felt like I was just getting involved anyway. Yeah.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 27:13

night, so she, she's still, um, she's, she still drinks , and I, I ordered a mocktail and she ordered one and I said to her, I'll see you tonight. Yeah. Feel free to have a drink. And she's like, actually, um, it's a Monday. I'm fine. Just how strange, but it's, they're so good now. Right. That's so good. And I'm not a beer drink and I never was, but my drink on holiday, if they don't do mocktails shandy because most places will do a non alcoholic beer. And I, I, I, I just don't want to drink that many Cokes or lemonades because I'm not seven, you know, um, you feel a bit more grown up. And what about Kevin? Was he, was he a drinker?

Vicky Chadwick: 27:49

Yeah, we have squat every weekend. It works. Drinkery could get our ticket but we went out most weekends drinking and it

Rosie Gill-Moss: 27:58

As most young couples do, you know, go out drinking with your mates, don't you?

Vicky Chadwick: 28:01

Yeah, go out for cocktails and things like that. Um, but Ina went to stop whereas I never did. Uh, uh,

Rosie Gill-Moss: 28:08

was a drinker, but he were, I was just talking about this the other day to somebody, and he, he would drink, you know, one or two bottles of wine most evenings, but he never really got drunk. Like, I think I probably saw him properly drunk maybe three times in ten years. And, um, I guess that's, that's the difference isn't it? It's that not, it's he would drink because he liked the taste of it or he, whereas I would, I don't, you know, I hold my hands and I don't like alcohol, I don't like wine, it's disgusting.

Vicky Chadwick: 28:39

Yeah, it's not, not the best is it?

Rosie Gill-Moss: 28:41

Because I won't drink non alcoholic wine because it's disgusting. Um,

Vicky Chadwick: 28:46

I do like non alcoholic prosecco.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 28:48

yeah. Does it taste like Prosecco though?

Vicky Chadwick: 28:50

yeah, yeah, it was quite good.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 28:52

I'd rather have a schlur. I love a schlur. Not the schlurs, I've not got diabetes though, because of all the soft drinks I drink.

Vicky Chadwick: 28:59

the sugar's ridiculous isn't it?

Rosie Gill-Moss: 29:01

So what would you say then? Um, I mean obviously you've described a pretty shitty week. Um, do you think that was the hardest challenge you've faced, or do you think the travelling?

Vicky Chadwick: 29:09

Yeah, I think that were hardest, hardest, the shitty week.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 29:12

what, I mean, what would you say, it's kind of difficult because I imagine there's lots of them, but what, do you have a sort of out, um, like a standout positive that you've found from the sobriety?

Vicky Chadwick: 29:24

just not being an awful person.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 29:28

Aww.

Vicky Chadwick: 29:29

Not, I was selfish, I were awful, and like I say I had to apologise because of things I'd said or done, um, and I don't have to apologise anymore.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 29:42

Yeah. Do you know what? I can really relate to that actually because I, like I said, I wasn't a horrible drunk, but I was selfish. I was really selfish and once that drink was in me, nothing else really mattered. I mean, obviously if the kids needed me, I like to think I would have been able to pull it back, but it was, it, yeah, it, I became so different and my moral code became so different to the one that I actually live by. And yeah, I, I would. Do things and feel enormous shame and I, there's probably the odd exception, but I would say in the last two years, I haven't done anything that I've been ashamed of. And I think that if you look, if I look back over my life, that connection there, you know, not everything that I've done that I'm ashamed of has been done when I was drunk. So you remove that alcohol and then self acceptance first. But then that kind of grows into liking yourself and then you think okay I'm an alright human so I don't want to punish myself, which it is really when you're drinking to that level, that's a form of self harm, it's not, nobody's enjoying it are they?

Vicky Chadwick: 30:41

Especially not the next morning.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 30:43

Oh

Vicky Chadwick: 30:44

Definitely not. Um, but yeah. I don't have to get picked up out of the gutter anymore. I mean, there were times when my sister had to be called to pick me up off the floor. Um, at one point, before my mum died, I got into that much of a state, my sister had to come and get me and then my mum grounded me. Um. I will

Rosie Gill-Moss: 31:02

Your mum grounded you, how old were you?

Vicky Chadwick: 31:04

I was 33 and my mum ground me.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 31:07

I've won it in.

Vicky Chadwick: 31:08

She made me sleep at her house at the weekend so that I wouldn't go out. Um, and at that point I, you would probably have thought, yeah, yeah, it's a problem. But I didn't. I just carried on. Um, I

Rosie Gill-Moss: 31:19

And how did you react to that, did it sort of make you dig your heels in a little bit more or didn't you?

Vicky Chadwick: 31:24

like, oh, I can't believe this. Um, what do you mean I can't go and see my friends? I was, I was like, I was 15 again. Um,

Rosie Gill-Moss: 31:31

does make you into that sort of really selfish 15 year old. And it's just like little things, like my house is tidy. Like, I mean, I say tidy in the loosest sense, I got a lot of kids. But it's, it's not grubby, like the bin gets emptied. Because I've had everything else with slide. Because I wouldn't eat well, I certainly wouldn't exercise. I, the friendships I would have, I would used to ring people really drunk. I was really annoying, you know. At like three in the morning, and I remember one of my friends going like, Grace, I love you, but please don't ring me at three in the morning. I've got work in the morning. And you just feel, and you feel a bit of a taint, I suppose.

Vicky Chadwick: 32:06

You feel so stupid next day, don't you?

Rosie Gill-Moss: 32:08

It's the fear, I don't, it's the fear. You know that first moment when you open your eyes. And you think, oh god, what did I do? And this morning I woke up, and I woke up a little bit later than usual, because I went, oh, I went to bed at 11 o'clock last night, Vicky. I know, go me, go, right? And I woke up, and I was, I'd sort of woken up face down. And I was like, and I opened my eyes, and I just thought, one of the first thoughts was, thank god I wasn't drinking. Because everything, you know, just getting up and doing the school run, there's no way I'd have gone to Zumba this morning. I'd have been sitting eating crisps in my pyjamas until it was school pick up time.

Vicky Chadwick: 32:44

Um,

Rosie Gill-Moss: 32:45

now you, you look very different. Um, I've seen that side by side picture on your, in fact, just, um, say the name of your Instagram account for listeners, because you've got a new Instagram, haven't you?

Vicky Chadwick: 32:54

Queen of Sobriety UK.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 32:56

I love that name, I can't believe it wasn't already taken.

Vicky Chadwick: 32:59

I can. I stole it. Yeah.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 33:03

somewhere because that was going to be my next podcast. And then it sort of warped into Rosie FM. Um, so physically, obviously you have lost weight, haven't you? Yeah. And that's, it's a side effect that I, I actually didn't experience when I first gave up alcohol because I didn't use it. I would. I kind of forget to eat because I was too busy drinking vodka. And then to replace the sugar of the alcohol, I have never really had a sweet tooth and suddenly I see ice cream, puddings. So initially I was like, Oh, well this is shit. I was promised the body of a, you know, a Brazilian model after I gave up alcohol. But then I found. Suddenly after the two years, or kind of without trying for the first time in my life, my body has just found a comfortable size and stuck at it. And I can, within reason, I can eat whatever I want. Um, I probably wouldn't, but I also make better choices because I'm not craving the salty, fatty, carby crap that I, yeah, I haven't eaten a McDonald's since I gave up drinking, you know.

Vicky Chadwick: 34:02

Oh, have you not? Oh, I do like McDonald's. I do like, um, a lot of rubbish food, but I, I feel like I enjoy food more.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 34:13

yeah.

Vicky Chadwick: 34:15

I, I enjoy going out for food rather than going out drinking.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 34:20

Yeah, and then getting a dirty burger on the way home and sort of smearing it into your hair when you're asleep. Yeah, we're so, we're so classy. But,

Vicky Chadwick: 34:27

Chili sauce. Yeah. That

Rosie Gill-Moss: 34:30

the garlic breath.

Vicky Chadwick: 34:31

yeah.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 34:32

Yeah, my friend and I said this last night because, um, you know, we partied pretty hard in our 20s and then we were going to, we went to a really nice restaurant. It was quite fancy actually, but there was, um, 50 percent off before six o'clock. So

Vicky Chadwick: 34:44

Okay.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 34:45

and it, it was really, and we had sushi and it, it was. Yeah, just to really enjoy the food. And she was saying to me, Oh, this is kind of like the food that you had at your birthday. And I was like, What the birthday was the last night I drank? Because I don't remember that food.

Vicky Chadwick: 34:59

Yeah.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 35:00

So you mentioned that your, um, your family and your sister particularly have really noticed a difference. I just wanted to kind of draw back into a little bit about your friendships, your friendship groups, and have you noticed changes within your friendship circle? Because I know I did.

Vicky Chadwick: 35:14

not really. I mean I had friends that I thought, well just drinking friends really,

Rosie Gill-Moss: 35:20

Yeah, drinking buddies.

Vicky Chadwick: 35:21

yeah, but I've got me, me real friends have always stuck by me and been, been supportive. Um, I were friends with everyone when I was drinking. Like, I didn't care who our friends were, but now it's just a select few. Um, and like I say, some people don't understand, and I went to a pub a few weeks ago and someone said, do you not think you're barring?

Rosie Gill-Moss: 35:42

Oh wow!

Vicky Chadwick: 35:44

I don't actually, but

Rosie Gill-Moss: 35:45

Did you throw your non alcoholic beer at him?

Vicky Chadwick: 35:47

Yeah, but, um, alright. No, I don't think I'm boring. I think I'm alive and a safer person. And a better person for it.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 35:58

the real person as well, because this kind of show off persona that I had, it wasn't really me.

Vicky Chadwick: 36:04

No. No.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 36:08

One of the things I heard on either a podcast or an audio book is that I sort of immersed myself in sober literature. And I found that what there is now is a lot of stuff by women aimed at women. Because, you know, again, refer back to AA, it's a quite a masculine sort of setup. Now, um, one of the things that I heard, and it really stuck with me, and it was that you drink to lose your inhibitions. But your inhibitions are there to protect you. So we took, you know, you and I, I, I, God forbid if we'd ever gone out together mate, but the talking to strangers, not being able to pick up if somebody was following you, um, inviting people back, you know, everybody back to mine, you know, more so before I had the kids, but like you'd sort of wake up in the morning and there'd just been like people lying on your sofa and things like that, that's so dangerous, but you don't give a shit when you're drinking. Mm,

Vicky Chadwick: 37:03

mine like, come on, yeah, yeah, it's pubs closed,

Rosie Gill-Moss: 37:06

carry on party.

Vicky Chadwick: 37:07

Yeah, um, but yeah, it is scary to think that some of the situations that you could have put yourself into

Rosie Gill-Moss: 37:14

Mm.

Vicky Chadwick: 37:15

and probably did put yourself into, but it's, it is really scary. I would never do that sober. I'd never say, oh yeah, yeah, just come to my aid. Why

Rosie Gill-Moss: 37:25

No, no, no, of course not. And, like, so many things, I, you sort of say to yourself, well, would I have done it if I wasn't drunk? And it's, the answer is, like, always no, right?

Vicky Chadwick: 37:33

not?

Rosie Gill-Moss: 37:34

And I hadn't, don't get me wrong, I, I, I also think I shouldn't, because then you find, I, well. Put my teeth back in. I almost felt trapped in the drinking cycle because I'd been committed to it for so long. Because who was I without it? And also, I would Actually, this is like a therapy session, Vicky, because it's all coming out now. But I also felt like, had I It almost kind of undermined my life up until that point. Does that make sense? I know it's a bit convoluted.

Vicky Chadwick: 38:04

I'm told, yeah, it just, you wake up on a Monday hurting yourself but by Wednesday you're happy to go and go to the pub again and have another drink.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 38:13

yeah, I would be, because that's it, I generally wouldn't drink Monday to Tuesday, and then by Wednesday, I'd be like, Just get a bottle of wine with dinner, you know, we'll share a bottle of wine, and then of course, John is not a big drinker at all, I mean, we've had a few good nights out, but he, He's a person that can take it, like take it or leave it. So I'd, you know, be pouring this wine and he'd be like, Oh no, no, I don't fancy it. So I'd be like, well, I'll finish it. And then it's like, all right, can I get to the shop before it closes to get another bottle? And I, we live next door to a restaurant. It's a pub restaurant, it's a nice big old restaurant. Um, and I, you know, I went in there like barefoot to buy a bottle. It's, it's that, it's never going to be enough. You're never, you're lying to yourself if you think you can just have that couple of glasses of wine and, Then go to bed like a normal

Vicky Chadwick: 38:59

and I'm a person, you just can't do it. Um, I wish I could have done it. Um, my friends can do it. My friends can still believe it. Um, but I can't. I have got some really close friends that, um, like I say, I used to go out drinking with them but now they're, they're quite happy for me to come along and, and have me alcohol free and, and still support me which I'm, I'm really happy about because

Rosie Gill-Moss: 39:23

because they like you rather than the drunk you and I think that's where the, kind of, that's where real friendship is born. And I, I, so I stopped drinking two years ago, so my daughter started school when I was Yeah, September after. And so all the friends I've made at school have never known me drunk. And I've got a really lovely group of friends, really, I'm very lucky, they're really nice women. And I'll go out with them, and normally it'll get to about 9, 9. 30, and the atmosphere will change, because it's the old individual, your spidey senses start going, you're like, oh, they're a bit leery, and I'll just be like, right girls, have a great time, I'll see you, you know, see you tomorrow. And yeah, it's been great. Nobody cares. Like, I think people thought, I think I thought I was going to let people down by not

Vicky Chadwick: 40:11

I thought, I used to think, oh they're not going to want to be my friend anymore, and I'm not drinking, and, and, but they're your friends, they're going to support you. And a few weeks ago I said, oh I could really do with a drink if a friend were like, no you can't,

Rosie Gill-Moss: 40:25

Yeah.

Vicky Chadwick: 40:25

you definitely couldn't do with a drink, but it's, it's not going to help you, so,

Rosie Gill-Moss: 40:31

See, Lulu got sober, um, almost a year after I did, and um, she was here on my birthday when I was like, I don't know if I can drink. Now, she's quite smart because she'll just be like, okay, okay. That's fine, if that's what you want to do, that's fine. Because she knows the way that my brain ticks. And if she was to say to me, Oh, don't be ridiculous Rosie, you know, don't have a drink. There's no faster way to make me open a bottle, right?

Vicky Chadwick: 40:57

I, I have got some very, some very supportive friends, like, um, my friends that were here for me when Kevin died. Um, they're still here for me through this chapter.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 41:09

Because often what can happen is, friends within your social circle who have got their own issues with alcohol, I find they will sort of retract from me, because what you're doing essentially is kind of shining a light, because I think, if you were the worst drinker, right? Everyone's thinking, well, I'm not as bad as her. So I'm alright. But I used to genuinely say, you know, I can remember going out for dinner with this, sorry, off an attention, but, before, the mothers I would seek out at the school gates would be the ones that drank. I'd, I'd make a beeline, I could sort of tell who would be, you know, a bit of a wild one. And I can remember going out for a meal once, and there was, I don't know, four or five of us, and one of the women, she drove, and I think I actually said to her face, Well, why have you come then? Like, how rude! How rude! And now I realise that people come out when they're sober, they really want to be there.

Vicky Chadwick: 42:01

Yeah. And I think people now think, oh well, Vicky's not drinking so she'll be driving, but I'm like, now I'm going home when I want to go home.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 42:09

Yeah,

Vicky Chadwick: 42:10

I'm not, I'm not taxi service. I'm

Rosie Gill-Moss: 42:12

don't mind driving there. But you can get your own way back. Yeah, that's exactly what I do because I'm quite happy to drive there and I, I, I also love the fact that I can leave any situation under my own steam. You're not reliant on a getting a taxi or a lift or trying to find your way home in the dark?

Vicky Chadwick: 42:27

Oh. Tried to get last train home.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 42:30

Oh, I've broken up. I used to live in London and Gillingham, was the last train, which is ironically not far from where I live now. I used to, and I, I used to wake up there. And then it'd be a 50, 60 quid cab back home, and, oh, the money, right? How much money have you saved?

Vicky Chadwick: 42:48

I've saved a fortune.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 42:50

Yeah.

Vicky Chadwick: 42:50

for Thailand just by not drinking.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 42:52

Yeah, it's incredible. I have got an app, and it's a very approximate thing, but it sort of adds up how much you've saved. And the other one is how many hours you've got back. And I like to have a little look sometimes. I'm not entirely sure where that money has gone, if I'm

Vicky Chadwick: 43:03

No, me neither. But probably all those are food.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 43:08

doesn't matter does it? It doesn't matter because you've actually enjoyed it. It's, it's, I mean alcohol is so expensive now, I really, I don't know how young people can even afford it.

Vicky Chadwick: 43:18

I used to spend about 100 on that

Rosie Gill-Moss: 43:21

Oh easy, easy. Do you get very generous as well, start buying other people drinks? Yeah.

Vicky Chadwick: 43:25

I drink? Do I drink? Yeah. Yeah, that were me. I'll get round a shot soon and I'll get this.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 43:32

Spend the last money you had on a drink rather than a cab home. Yeah.

Vicky Chadwick: 43:38

Definitely.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 43:39

And I sort of think the signs that you have a problem with alcohol are if you're bargaining with yourself over I'm only going to drink in the week, or if you're hiding how much you're drinking and I think that for me was a really big one because I was sneaking bottles out of my house because my mum and dad lived with me when Ben died for three months and I was sneaking bottles in the car and putting them into the school recycling bottle bank Are you? But I, if you don't want anybody else knowing, the chances are you shouldn't be doing it. It's kind of a good mantra for life, really.

Vicky Chadwick: 44:12

Um, yeah, it was. Yeah, I'd, I'd get up and I'd be like, Oh, I'm fine. Like, I weren't that bad last night. But I definitely were.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 44:19

And then the shame creeps in, and the easiest way to get rid of the shame is to have another drink, of course. So, Vicky, I mean, I've got, what, what, what, Is life like for you now? Like I know that we've sort of talked a little bit about the fact that you're trying out your new things and you're traveling What? What is life like for you? Because obviously your Kevin's not here. And so

Vicky Chadwick: 44:46

I feel my feelings now. I will say that. Um, so today would have been four years since Kevin's funeral, um, which before I would have just thought, let's have a drink.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 44:59

Excuse the drink right

Vicky Chadwick: 45:00

Yeah, um, but I'm feeling my feelings. It's tough, it's not easy, uh, some days I'm like really down, but I can just take myself out of a situation and process it myself now, whereas before I wouldn't have done, I'd have just carried on drinking and then dealt with problems next morning, which

Rosie Gill-Moss: 45:21

Somewhere down the line

Vicky Chadwick: 45:22

times worse, um, or they just bottled up as the saying goes, um, and exploded, but life's,

Rosie Gill-Moss: 45:29

in our case

Vicky Chadwick: 45:30

yeah, life's more positive, definitely, um, I think I deal with things a lot better than I used to do, I don't fly off handle as much, um, and if something bad's happening I can kind of work out and try and deal with it myself then, rather than just throwing a siffet. So like with my job, before, if I'd have lost my job I'd have been straight in pub. I, the redundancy pay would have been drunk, drunk away, um, same as like with Cummings Life Insurance. I, I will always say that I drunk, probably drunk most of that away. Uh, because it was money I didn't want. I didn't want that money. Um,

Rosie Gill-Moss: 46:11

Yeah, and I know other people that, you know, have had quite significant life insurance and have, um, literally drunk it all because when it's almost, I mean, yes, it's very helpful because you do need financial support, but it's almost like they need to, they should give us a little bit of time. Process the grief then you can have the money. But I really relate to this feeling of the feelings and there were times in early sobriety where I really didn't want to feel those feelings. And I found It was like being thrust back into the early days of bereavement because everything was so raw and so tangible and it's trying to get through that tough bit so you realise you can come through the other side.

Vicky Chadwick: 46:53

yeah. And I have my safe space which is my bed, so if I'm having a bad day, I just take myself to bed. And.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 46:59

my bed, I'm like a door mouse.

Vicky Chadwick: 47:01

just get in bed, put a series on. I don't sleep very much, well very well but I did last night to be fair. Um, but I'll just put a series on telly or a film on and just be on me own. Um,

Rosie Gill-Moss: 47:12

audiobook for me, I love an audiobook.

Vicky Chadwick: 47:15

I like to take myself out of the situation if I, cause if not I'm just going to snap at someone or say something I don't want to say. So if I

Rosie Gill-Moss: 47:22

even being that self aware and knowing that that's the best thing to do for yourself, that's really quite difficult sometimes, and the fact that you're managing to do that. Now, my final question really, unless you have anything you want to

Vicky Chadwick: 47:33

No.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 47:35

is, um, just any advice that you have for anybody who is questioning their drinking, you know, the grey area drinking, or perhaps somebody who's in full blown addiction, is just, what, what advice would you give them?

Vicky Chadwick: 47:46

Just to give it a try. Even if you just want, if you think I'll not have a drink for a week, and then see how you feel after the week, just keep going. Because it's definitely worth it. 100%.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 48:01

And I think you're right, this idea that you try it, because I, you've got the dry January and stuff. So before October and all this sort of thing, but I particularly the January one, I think it's like a penance. So people suffer through it, you know, they're literally counting down the days and it almost tarnishes what sobriety is because it's something to endure something to get through. So I did a hundred days and I, I, I did a lot of bargaining with myself. You know, if you, you can do the a hundred days, if you miss alcohol, you can just go back to it. But in that timescale, I, I did weddings, funerals. Bad things happen, good things happen. And I think you've got to experience real life without alcohol in order to know whether you like it or not.

Vicky Chadwick: 48:43

definitely. Um, I'm 290 days sober today.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 48:46

Congratulations, Vicky. I look forward, I very much look forward to hearing from you on your one year anniversary. Because that's a real milestone, you should be really proud of yourself. Because it, it really, really isn't easy. And all those, all those feelings that you, you're, you're having to now feel, um, that it's exhausting. And I think that you are. I'm going to say it, inspirational. There you go, I said it.

Vicky Chadwick: 49:09

Thank you.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 49:11

Thank you for speaking to me so candidly today, Vicky. It really has been a pleasure. And if anybody else out there has been affected by these issues or, you know, wants to talk to somebody about what it's like having alcohol addiction or, you know, perhaps you're questioning your own drinking, my inbox is open. Please do drop me a message and I'm sure Vicky would as well.

Vicky Chadwick: 49:29

I'm, yeah, I'm quite happy to answer any questions and I'm looking forward to my first sober event in Manchester. So,

Rosie Gill-Moss: 49:38

this? What's

Vicky Chadwick: 49:38

it's

Rosie Gill-Moss: 49:39

you're doing?

Vicky Chadwick: 49:39

a Bingo AF. It's a, they've got a

Rosie Gill-Moss: 49:44

Did you say Flamingo AF? I love it! That's right, that's a bit on brand for us, isn't it?

Vicky Chadwick: 49:50

they do parties. Sober parties. It's in a nightclub I think. Um, and everyone that goes is sober. And they have different themes. So this is the first one that we've been to. So I'm really, I'm nervous about it, but excited at the same

Rosie Gill-Moss: 50:04

I'm gonna let you be the guinea pig. You come back and tell me if that was good and then maybe I'll join you for the next one.

Vicky Chadwick: 50:09

join, yeah, definitely.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 50:11

Thank you Vicki for sharing your story today and thank you to everybody out there who's listening.

Vicky Chadwick: 50:16

Thank you.

Rosie Gill-Moss: 50:17

Bye bye.

Vicky Chadwick: 50:18

Bye.